Dear Jasminda,

My mum has gone a bit crazy buying up cans, hand sanitiser and toilet paper to prepare for the Coronavirus pandemic. She’s embarrassing.

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Miss JS, Bobs Farm

Dear Miss JS,

Mums are such great organisers aren’t they? Always prepared. Dib, dib, dib. Dob, dob, dob, as the scouts say, which I have just discovered is short for Do Your Best (DYB/DIB) and Do Our Best (DOB). I always thought it was to do with asserting your ownership over something or telling on a mate, which clearly isn’t the scout ethos at all.

Anyway, back to the issue of your mum. I don’t think there’s any harm in having a few spare items at home just in case things go a bit arse up. I mean if there’s mass flooding, or fires decimating huge swathes of land or baboons running through the streets because they don’t want vasectomies. You know, those sorts of things. And then to add a pandemic into the mix (not that we can call it that, but given the definition of it being the worldwide spread of a new disease then perhaps we are getting close), well, you know, Miss JS, if all those things were to happen, we’re not that far down the track from a zombie apocalypse really. Not meaning to worry you of course. So hey, if Mrs S wants to head down to Aldi and buy a couple of crates of spaghetti tins, Longlife milk and Spam, who are we to argue with her.

I would just suggest that your mum shows a bit of restraint. You know, just get her to shop when the crowds have gone home because I can see her now in her face mask, one hand clutching a bottle of hand sanitiser, spraying every shelf with Glen 20 as she goes, refusing to accept change due to the spread of infection, glaring at every poor kid with a common cold. It might make people feel on edge.

If, however, your mum is onto something, then you will rue the day you didn’t listen to her. Mum’s the word.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.