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My friend has gone a bit loopy. First it was just yoga and incense, but now she thinks she can speak whale. She actually calls herself a whale whisperer on her social media page. I mean, really?
Miss KL, Shoal Bay

Dear Miss KL,

Whales are truly magnificent creatures and they do make some incredible sounds, but I’m not sure we can be expected to interpret them. They only other example I know of someone (or some creature to be more exact) speaking whale is Dory from Finding Nemo. Is this what your friend sounds like when she speaks whale? If so, she may need some sort of intervention of the white coat variety.

A whale whisperer? I’ve heard of a horse whisperer, but it must be so much easier whispering to land-based creatures.

How does one whisper while wearing scuba gear or a snorkel? What do you actually whisper to a whale apart from, ‘Gosh, you are huge, please don’t swim too close. Sorry for accidentally invading your personal space.’

I’m not convinced that your friend can speak whale, and I don’t think she’s convinced either.

It may just be a way to appear more spiritual and worldly and in tune with her psyche or life’s vibrations or whatever else we are supposed to be in tune with when we aren’t racing around like little ants trying to pay off mortgages while the country falls apart. Who has time to speak whale when our super funds are dwindling and our politicians keep jumping on and off the Canberra merry-go-round, stabbing each other in the back when they should be running the country. Forget whale. How about we all learn to speak some common sense for a change.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.