Do you have a pressing problem, annoying anxiety or community conundrum? Jasminda Featherlight, our resident roving Agony Aunt, is here to help. Jasminda will be responding to questions from our News Of The Area papers on a rotating basis. Send your concerns to Jasminda care of edit@mcnota.com.au and include your title, initials and suburb.

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Dear Jasminda,
What is the go with supermarkets banning plastic bags and then giving away plastic grocery replicas? I don’t get it. Mrs KG, Tea Gardens

Dear Mrs KG,

You know, I’m a bit behind the eight ball, so I logged on to one of those community swap sites that I’ve never been game to peruse before because I thought they were a platform for toey swingers swapping their partners, and what I found was even more alarming. I actually pondered whether there was some sort of pre-World War III ration battle going on, such was the intensity of product swapping out there in suburbia. There were comments like: ‘I’ll give you pasta sauce for the Messy Monkeys” and “Not sure where you are, but I have Oak Milk and need dog food”. What the fricken’ frick is going on? Are we on The Truman Show? Have we entered some sort of parallel universe? Is there a Prozac shortage happening that I don’t know about that is making household shoppers completely bat shit crazy?

 We have a little global issue at the moment known as CIDEAH. Haven’t heard of it? Let me enlighten you.
Complete and Irreversible Destruction of the Environment by Apathetic Humans. In case you think this is just Jasminda going off on a pre-wine whine, stop listening to bogan radio and try this from the United Nations: “We are on the edge of a plastic calamity.” Calamity isn’t a word that the UN throws around lightly. Not convinced? How about washed-up whales choked with plastic?

So, Mrs KG, I’m with you. The competing argument is: “But there’s so much plastic out there already. Why take it out on little plastic groceries?” That is a pathetic argument. It’s like saying it’s okay to hit people because there’s so much violence in the world already.

PS: I have some six home-grown bananas to swap for a brown paper bag full of organic strawberries. Who’s in?

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.