DEAR Jasminda,

I HAVE a friend who is a beautician.

She gives me cheap massages and facials but she talks the whole way through the experience and it’s torture.

Can I tell her to be quiet?

Rebecca D.

Dear Rebecca,

Unfortunately in this world, you get what you pay for, and when you want an hour-long silent massage, you have to pay full price.

Your friend sees your massage and facial treatments as a chance to catch up, and rightly so if you are only paying a fraction of the normal cost.

I think you should come clean and suggest that having a massage is one of the few times you get to relax.

If your friend is a good friend, she will completely understand.

Maybe suggest that you catch up for coffee on another day, so you can chat about life without your head in the massage table face port.

It’s never easy to talk during a massage anyway because you are too busy drooling or else clenching your teeth as the masseuse pummels the knots in your neck and shoulders. Alternatively, you could save your conversations for treatments that are torture anyway – eyebrow and underarm waxing, chemical peels, eyeliner tattoos, and laser sunspot removal. During these treatments, you can not only chat, but also scream or cry for mercy.

While not quite the same as talking about the kids or your latest holiday plans, it will let your friend know that you are fully present.

Alternatively, book in to see a professional that you have no social ties to.

You will then be able to sigh or scream or remain as silent as a stone without feeling bad about it.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.