DEAR Jasminda,

I HAVE a 30th party to attend next weekend and I’m not a big party person.

I don’t enjoy drinking and I’m quite shy, but I’m also flattered that I was invited.

Is there a polite way to leave if it all gets too much?

Petra L.

Dear Petra,

Some people love parties and others would rather drive, blindfolded, across the Sydney Harbour Bridge in peak hour than stand around making small talk, often with complete strangers.

However, you’ve RSVP’d and it would be rude to cancel at such short notice, so there are a few strategies you can employ to make the night bearable, and maybe even enjoyable.

1. Have a pre-planned exit strategy and share it with the birthday host when you arrive. If you have young children you can blame the babysitter. A dog? Maybe it’s unwell and you can’t stay for long. Or say you have an early morning appointment on the following day.

2. You could ask a friend to call you at the time you’d like to leave. Make an appropriate comment and say it loud enough for people to hear. Something vague and alarming will work, like: ‘Oh, I was having such a good time, but of course. I’ll leave straight away.’ There is no need to elaborate.

3. Once the cake and the speeches are over, it’s okay to make an exit. By then the drinkers will be in full swing, performing radical moves on the dancefloor, crying in a corner, relaying a tedious story, or passed out on the lounge. You should say goodbye to the host and the people you’ve been chatting with, but there is absolutely no requirement to say goodbye to everyone. It can take up to another hour, and no one has the energy for that.

4. At the start of the night, look around the room and see if you can find a kindred spirit. Maybe someone is sitting on their own, nervously twirling a glass of mineral water, and glancing at their phone. Go over and say hello. They are probably feeling just the same as you, and they’ll be grateful that you made the first move.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.