DEAR Jasminda,

My husband ruins every morning by sitting next to me in bed doom scrolling and reading the headlines out loud. How can I stop this behaviour?

Helen F

Dear Helen,

I just had a quick glance at the headlines to familiarise myself with your conundrum.

I’m not sure what you are rabbiting on about.

I mean, sure there are wars raging on multiple fronts, and a once spectacular lake drowning in toxic waste.

Hang on, maybe I’ve just gone with the wrong media group.

I’ll try again.

Okay, so over in the US, Trump is still not admitting to losing the 2020 election.

Holy Moses.

But that’s in America.

How about local news?

Okay, there has been a family tragedy closer to home.

An airport security issue.

Ok, Helen.

This is not a great way to start a day.

In fact, I was happily watching my chooks fossicking around the garden, and now I’m surrounded by devastation, and those pesky online analytics are going crazy trying to give me more of what they think I want, which is anything with a whiff of devastation, destruction and apocalyptic intent.

So now, just as you blamed your husband, I’m blaming you, Helen.

My day could have gone in one of two directions. I could have been mesmerised by the sonorous calls of magpies and the uplifting laughter of kookaburras.

I could have been quietly sipping a strong cup of tea with my dog leaning against my leg.

I could have observed the swaying gum tree branches against a pale grey sky.

I could have eased into a bit of brain work getting Wordle in three lines.

But no, now I’m stuck in a state of existential dread.

There is a simple answer, though.

Take control, Helen.

You don’t have to be a mere vessel for your husband’s daily catastrophising.

You could instead listen to a podcast of your choosing (headphones have saved many marriages, I’m sure of it), or read a few pages of a book you enjoy.

If you have a dog, you could go for a brisk walk and take in life’s simple pleasures.

Or you could just grab a pillow, place it over your husband’s face, and… no, no, don’t do that one, Helen, or else you will be in the news and we’ll all be saying, ‘What on earth possessed her? She seemed like such a gentle and caring woman. You just never know, do you? Just yesterday she was saying hello over the fence, and now she’s in the headlines.’

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.