DEAR Jasminda,

MY husband Glenn enjoys making spontaneous arrangements whereas I am someone who needs to plan.

An example would be, ‘I just had a call from Pete and Jude. They’re dropping in sometime today.’

He thinks I should be more easy going.

What do you think?

Ursula R.

Dear Ursula,

I’m going to deviate from stereotypical male/female roles, because I’m sure there are many men out there who also need to feel organised before guests arrive, but from my experience, there is usually one person in a couple who runs around like a lunatic, dusting cobwebs, plumping cushions, lighting scented candles, whipping together grazing plates, and ensuring the bathroom is open-heart-surgery sterile.

Then, there’s the other party who says, ‘Sure Pete, come on over, I think there’s a six-pack in the fridge. We’ll rustle up a feed. Hey Ursula, Pete’s coming over. Pete, bring Jude. Are your kids home? We’d love to see them. How are Johnny’s tennis lessons going? Maybe we could have a friendly volley in the backyard. Ursula, have you seen my tennis racket?’

This is often thrown on Ursula (or her equivalent) when she’s just emptied the entire contents of the pantry for its annual spring clean, or she’s plonked herself on the lounge to binge on Bridgeton and Pete and Jude are not on her radar.

Now they are.

She’s wondering if Jude is still lactose-intolerant and whether they’ll end up staying the night, which will require changing the sheets in the spare bedroom.

She’s wondering if the ladder is handy so she can get to the mezzanine, which is where she last saw the tennis rackets.

She’s wondering whether she can throw together a meal, get to the bottle shop, shave her legs and/or feign a migraine.

There is really only one answer here, and that’s to have an adult conversation about your different personalities and how you can both adjust to make socialising a pleasure for all those involved (including Pete and Jude, who are certain to sense tension in the air when you aim for Glenn’s head during the social game of tennis).

Carpe diem,
Jasminda