DEAR Jasminda,

What is the etiquette around disembarking from a plane?

I always seem to be the last passenger sitting while everyone is fussing around, grabbing their overhead luggage and filling up the aisle.

Is there a system?

Tanya L.

Dear Tanya,

I’m assuming from your query that you travel in cattle class (me too).

If there is a more overt display of sheer bloody-mindedness and self-entitlement (apart from the Great Covid Toilet Paper Race of 2020) I’d like to see it.

Disembarking from a plane, particularly after a long-haul flight, is akin to The Hunger Games.

It’s like some sort of hellscape – screaming toddlers, people wrangling neck pillows, lanky teens forming trip hazards with their limbs, someone trying to find a stray shoe in the overhead compartment, and various other tests of one’s patience.

As a nervous flyer, I’m not in any rush once the plane has reached its destination.

I’m usually still muttering my undying gratitude to the aeronautical gods for landing safely.

The etiquette, though, seems relatively straight-forward.

Alight row by row in an orderly fashion.

Unfortunately, this common sense has missed its mark on some thick-as-mince passengers. They’ll stumble and fumble and cause chaos, just so they can get to the baggage carousel before everyone else, and then wait again.

They are part of the same species as motorists who won’t allow you to merge.

Use the time to fill out your declaration form, do a few calming stretches in your seat, and know that soon you’ll be out of the confines of the plane and into the madness of peak hour traffic.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.