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Dear Jasminda,

Last week I went to a meditation session and the woman running it said that we had to get our anger out. This involved bending from the waist and making guttural sounds, which made me feel very self conscious. PS: I wasn’t angry, just stressed.

Mrs JL, Tea Gardens

Dear Mrs JL,

You know, years ago, my boss made all the staff attend yoga for team building. The problem was, we didn’t want to team build as we’d been stuck in an office all week. We wanted to drink and talk about each other, like normal workmates. It was doomed from the start.

Now, when I think of a meditation session, I think of a guru named Sven (dressed in white) saying something about the light radiating through my body. There’s some bergamot oil in a diffuser and some whale music and basically all I need to do is curl up in a foetal position while Sven whispers sweet nothings about chakras aligning. It involves no concentration, no anger, and no guttural sounds, because meditation is supposed to be calming. After a meditation session, you should feel as though you’ve had a massage and six mojitos.

Your experience doesn’t sound relaxing at all. How can you be relaxed when you are facing complete strangers and making weird noises? Are you sure you went to the right room? Imagine if your meditation session was actually down the hall, and instead you accidentally entered the Advanced Anger Management class. Did the other people look angry?

Were some of them wearing home detention bracelets instead of Lava Rock bracelets? I think you need to contact the program organiser and double check the details. If it was a meditation session, then perhaps you will start to feel that anger bubbling to the surface, and you will be primed for the next instalment.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda