DEAR Jasminda,

I went to the bottle shop last night and bought a cheap pinot grigio to add to my risotto.

When I took it to the counter, the sales assistant asked if I’d like a chilled one.

I said no, it’s just for cooking. He raised his eyebrows and said, ‘Of course it is.’

Should I feel insulted?

Mrs Julie S.

 

Dear Julie,

Sales assistants seem to be a lot more intrusive than they used to be.

Maybe it’s a new module of training they receive.

Soon there will be mandated health announcements when you’re just trying to do some basic carb-loading.
Something like: Thank you for your purchase.

You’re about to consume 580 calories including saturated and trans fats, enough sodium to bring on some pretty impressive high blood pressure readings, and over 100 grams of carbs with just 2 grams of fibre.

Before you leave, I should mention the meal also includes over two tablespoons of sugar that will have you reaching a sugar high before you reach the first roundabout, and a sugar crash about 30 kilometres later.

Have a nice day.

Sometimes we just want to buy something incognito.

Perhaps you weren’t convincing enough with your ‘it’s just for cooking’ line.

Not saying enough is one of the tell-tale signs of lying during an interrogation, something I’ve gleaned from watching one too many true crime interrogations on social media (with those pesky algorithms now suggesting I may need a self-help program and/or a home detention ankle monitor).

Next time you go to the bottleshop, add some believable flourishes to your purchase.

Arrive wearing an apron and a flustered expression.

Head to the counter with confidence.

Announce that you are making white wine braised ribs and though you have the cream, the salted butter, and were just in the process of making the gremolata (that will throw them), you were clean out of pinot grigio.

Then, go home and make a toasted cheese sandwich and pour yourself a nice glass of wine chilled down with two stainless steel reusable ice cubes.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.