DEAR Jasminda,

When I told my fiancé-to-be that I loved travelling, I didn’t think it would be a long-term relationship. Now we are getting engaged, he wants to travel to Europe. The problem is, I hate flying. In fact I haven’t been on a plane for a decade. I get angry every time he mentions it. What if I have a panic attack on the plane? Maybe I should just call off the engagement?

Marie L.

Marie,

I can see you are getting worked up just writing about your fear of flying. You are already catastrophising about what will happen on the flight. As time progresses, this will get more intense, and that’s not going to help anyone, especially your fiancé-to-be who is oblivious to the situation.

I don’t think you actually lied when you said you loved travelling. You probably do love it when you reach your destination. It’s just getting there that’s the problem.

You have to come clean. It’s going to be impossible to evade the truth forever.

Perhaps you can suggest that while you’d love to go to Europe, you are very nervous about flying and such a long trip is beyond the scope of what you can handle.

Instead, offer an alternative: Fiji, Vanuatu, New Zealand or New Caledonia are some closer options.

While on the flight, some coping strategies could help: noise-cancelling headphones, a calming podcast, meditation, and – let’s not beat around the bush – drugs wouldn’t go astray.

Not illicit drugs, Marie. I don’t want to see you loitering down an alleyway doing a shady deal that leads to a drug habit and ultimately a moving memoir resulting in a global book tour that you can’t attend due to your fear of flying.

Instead, visit your GP and see if there’s anything she can prescribe that will make the flight a bit more bearable.

Your final sentence is perhaps the biggest concern.

If you would consider calling off your engagement before being open and honest about your fears, then I think you have a much bigger problem.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.