DEAR Jasminda,

My wife has started a plant-based diet to reverse the effects of our overeating during lockdown. Though I find this admirable, I’m starving after each meal, so I’ve taken to making up an excuse to go for a drive, and then heading to the nearest drive-through fast food outlet to get my fix.

So far she’s lost 5 kilos and I’ve gained 3.

She’s just made an appointment for me with a local naturopath to see what’s going wrong. Help!

Dean J.

 

Dean, look what you’ve started with your subterfuge.

They say the way to a person’s heart is through their stomach, but your gut instinct to be deceptive has unfortunately led you down a slippery slope of excessive salt, fatty acids and sugar.

All of this will no doubt be revealed when the health specialists get hold of you and try to reconcile your intake of quinoa salad, acai bowls (pronounced a sigh-y — which is no doubt what you do when your wife offers you another serving) and fruit smoothies.

You are what you eat, Dean, and your internal organs must be in a state of mass confusion when you wash down your polenta with roasted squash, kale and pine nuts with a double quarter pounder with cheese.

I think you’ve got to come clean and explain to your wife that as much as you love eating 500 grams of lettuce a day, your brain is hardwired to some pretty intense carnivorous desires, and it may be better to ease into a new way of eating with a more moderate approach.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.