DEAR Jasminda,
THE most attractive person in our workplace is not at all tech-savvy and so she hasn’t realised that she can apply a ‘touch up’ filter when we have online team meetings.

For the first time ever, she is looking terrible in comparison to the rest of us.
Last week our manager asked if she was feeling unwell, and in the same conference call, he complimented me on my youthful glow.

Should I come clean or revel in it a bit longer?

Ms Claudia P.

Ah, Claudia, what a delightful dilemma.

This really depends on how you have been treated in the past by Miranda.

Can I call her Miranda?

I’m imagining her as the loose-limbed and lithe muse in Picnic at Hanging Rock.

The males (and probably the females) in your workplace no doubt used to imagine Romanian panpipes as she sashayed into the office, her hair hanging provocatively and wispily around her shoulders.

They were no doubt entranced while she took the minutes with a Tim Tam crumb resting on her lips, just begging to be smoothed away by Roger from accounts.

And now, on Zoom, she looks more like frumpy Edith, particularly with her computer angled in such a way as to give the impression she has a double chin, and the fluorescent lighting from her bathroom (she’s locked herself in there to get away from her husband, who is also working from home) showing up every imperfection from the rash caused by her mask to her hair roots, now letting everyone in the office know that her glossy blonde locks were from a packet.

Meanwhile, you, with your advanced computer skills have a French Polynesian virtual background that brings out your blue eyes, your flawless complexion, and your glowing tan thanks to some handy filter work.

If she is one of those annoying types that used to say things like, ‘Claudia, you’re looking tired today; would you like me to order you some Rise & Shine supplements? They support your metabolism and build your immunity’ then I’d let Miranda suffer until the end of lockdown (which at the rate we are going could be 2023).

However, if Miranda is actually quite lovely in personality and looks, then maybe give her the heads up in about two months – let’s not rush things.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.