FOR men in the modern age, struggling to maintain their own health and wellbeing amidst the challenges of work, family and other obligations, Dean Vassallo believes that so much of the difficulties faced come down to a single idea.

Purpose.

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“Men are really pretty simple,” Dean suggests during a conversation about his work in coaching and mentoring.

“A lot of the distress that men go through comes down to them feeling that they have lost any sense of purpose in their lives.

“The only thing that’s going to help in the long run is to get that back.”

Dean doesn’t just speak from a theoretical point of view, but from a deeply personal, lived experience of his own journey through marriage, parenthood and career, which eventually led to him feeling “unstuck with who I was as a person, and who I wanted to be”.

Dean said that his own renewal was instigated by his wife, who had recently engaged in life-coaching and had found the experience profoundly transformative.

“She said to me ‘I think you should try this’ and at first I resisted.

“I thought that men weren’t ‘supposed’ to need this kind of help.”

He eventually relented, and was almost immediately grateful that he did because it didn’t just help him to engage better with his life as it was, it helped him to discover his purpose.

“After going through my own coaching program I found it so life-changing that I knew I wanted to be able to pass this on to other men.

“My purpose is to help others to discover theirs.”

Much of this took place when Dean and his family still lived in Sydney.

In 2021, largely as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, they made the decision to relocate to Port Stephens.

“We were in a really blessed position at that point.

“We were a family for whom the whole Covid thing actually opened doors for us.”

Because Dean had already transitioned to full-time working from home, they found the freedom to make that home wherever they wanted.

Port Stephens, where they had extended family and which had been a holiday destination of theirs for some time, is where Dean’s family has chosen to build their lives.

A part of establishing themselves in Port Stephens has been continuing to engage in coaching and mentoring with local men seeking breakthrough in their own life circumstances, but this has opened Dean’s eyes to just how widespread the issues of depression, anxiety and hopelessness are, and how by and large men still have not been taught how to have helpful conversations about them.

This was part of the impetus in founding the Port Stephens Men’s Group.

Initially a Facebook group to allow a safe place for men to discuss issues such as mental health, work/life problems and isolation, the group has recently progressed to gathering together over coffee.

“If nothing else I just wanted to remind men that they weren’t alone; that they didn’t have to face their challenges alone,” Dean said.

“When we get together we have the chance to help each other, even if it’s just by listening to what’s going on.”

The group’s first coffee catch-up was on Sunday 5 November, and Dean is confident that they will become a regular event.

“It will be a chance to gather without any agenda.

“Just a safe place for men to get together.”

By Lindsay HALL