A PARENT struggling to cope with her adult child’s drinking was an issue shared last week at a meeting of Coffs Harbour Al-Anon.

“When our son or daughter has a drinking problem, the hardest question to answer honestly can be: ‘You can see what it’s doing to them, but can you see what it’s doing to you?’,” Judy, a spokesperson for Al-Anon told News Of The Area.

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Commonly, parents put their needs after their children’s and launch into worry mode, turning the problem over and over in their minds searching for ideas to make their child see the damage the alcohol is doing to their lives and their health.

“We know there is a problem, and we try to fix it the best way we can,” she said.

“But when we’ve tried everything, and the problem is as serious as ever, feelings of despair and hopelessness can take hold.”

The Coffs Harbour Al-Anon support group offers hope and understanding, and practical help through members’ lived experience.

“In an Al-Anon meeting it is empowering to hear from others who have had similar problems to us but, in time, have regained their joy in life,” said Judy.

“The pain of a parent is very real.

“The dilemma of what to do next can put us into a constant state of confusion and anxiety.

“Isn’t it our lifetime job to protect and rescue our child?

“But when we find the money we give them for rent is going on more alcohol, and when we suggest changes and are met with tirades of verbal abuse, eventually we come to our wits’ end.

“While everyone’s situation is unique, in Al-Anon we can learn to detach with love which gives us the mental space to think more clearly, and to make the decision to set healthier boundaries.

“While we want to love them back to health, the unpleasant truth is that some of our decisions can in fact be doing the opposite.

“When we come to this realisation our next move needs to be considered carefully.

“Al-Anon is a place to think this through.

“Help is out there.”

In Coffs Harbour Al-Anon has two face-to-face meetings, one on Mondays at 12.30pm at the Presbyterian Church Hall, 187 Harbour Drive, and the other on Fridays at 6pm at the Salvation Army Hall at 40 Mastracolas Road.

Call Julia on 0408 809 972 or Judy on 0416 025 757.

By Andrea FERRARI