DEAR Jasminda,

Yesterday, peering down from my balcony, I saw my neighbour with her dog, which proceeded to defecate on my lawn.

When I went down later to inspect, the repulsive mess was still there.

I later approached my neighbour and she said there was nothing she could do because her dog had diarrhea.

Is that a reasonable excuse?

Mrs Vicki A.

Dear Vicki,

This morning I woke to read about how ScoMo had lied to Macron, and the ever-increasing issues over climate change, Gladys being grilled by ICAC, our kids doomed to rent forever in a society increasingly divided into the haves and the have nots, and then I was brought back to reality by your query, which really is a metaphor for the world stage.

I will not diminish the importance of your question, because from little things, big things grow.

Who knows what sort of liberties your neighbour may take in the future. “

Loud parties, leaf blowing near your washing line, solar reindeer that glow into your loungeroom at Christmas time, making you ponder landfill targets and the impact of climate change on the Taimyr reindeer in Russia, when you really should be enjoying a guilt-free Vodka, lime, and soda.

It is, of course, near impossible to contain the contents of a runny dog into a biodegradable bag, so she has a point.

However, she could have left a note to explain and then come back with a bucket of water to dilute the mess.

Or she could have gathered some bark and grass clippings and at least covered it up, so no one walked through it.

Alternatively, if she had a small, fluffy dog, she could have simply used it as a sponge. Regardless, I think your neighbour is lacking in both integrity and imagination.

I doubt you’ll have any more issues though, since she knows you’re spying on her dog’s bowel movements from the lofty heights of your balcony.

Carpe diem, Jasminda.