DEAR Jasminda,

Why can’t the other members in my family replace the toilet roll with a new one?

Invariably there is an empty roll sitting on the windowsill or the floor. How hard can it be?

Betina M.

Dear Betina,

It was a relief to receive your message because I’d been reading about the effect of arctic glaciers on sea levels and female hostages being freed from armed forces and the confounding situation of Trump’s return to office, when I was brought back to the pressing impact of toilet paper etiquette.

Thank you.

I’d never really thought too much about toilet paper until people started panic buying it during the pandemic.

It seems confounding now that some members of the community were racing past supplies of pantry staples like rice and flour to stock up on an item that has feasible alternatives including newspaper, gum leaves and the garden hose.

I was quite glad during this experience that I’d been involved in many extreme camping adventures as a child.

Nothing creates life skills better than a week stuck in the bush with some two-minute noodles, an axe, a litre of water and a flimsy tent.

Toilet paper was the last thing on our family’s mind.

Now, to your issue.

Perhaps your less resilient family members don’t recall the desperation of a toilet paper shortage.

Maybe they lack an appreciation of the convenience of a plentiful supply of four-ply toilet paper.

They may need to experience a shortage to reinvigorate the value they place on this household item.

May I suggest you put your toilet roll supplies under lock and key?

Soon you will hear the plaintive mid-ablution cries of, ‘Mum, can you chuck me a roll of toilet paper?’ to which you will be able to reply: ‘Last time I looked, we’d run out.”

Soon toilet paper will be reinstated as an essential item in your home and you will never again have to worry about being the sole toilet paper replacement officer. It is a duty best shared.

Carpe diem,
JASMINDA.