DEAR Jasminda,

What is the correct etiquette around dishwasher unstacking and restacking? Who should be responsible and how can I improve the process in the family home?

Fiona W.

Dear Fiona,

I think there should be a process. Let’s deal with the morning scenario as an example.

It is my firm belief that the person who first enters the kitchen each day should empty the dishwasher. This is an absolute treat for anyone who follows.

|A day that starts with not having to unpack a dishwasher is a day heading in the right direction.

What tends to happen, though, is that the first person in the kitchen is in a mad rush and so they leave the dishwasher packed and then they take new dishes from the cupboard and proceed to spread these all over the kitchen bench along with coffee, sugary spoons, toast crumbs, and other detritus.

Then along comes the second family member to wake, who is also in a rush.

They see the general state of disorder and think, ‘Well, if Dad couldn’t be bothered cleaning up after himself, how can I be expected to unpack the dishwasher, wipe the benches, clean out the sink and still get to school on time? It’s impossible.

I’ll just eat and put my dishes in the sink too. By the time the final family member emerges to have breakfast, they walk into something resembling Chernobyl and, unable to deal with the fallout, they grab breakfast on their way to work.

At day’s end, the original person returns only to find a mess so incomprehensible that they retreat to their bedroom.

This war of attrition can keep going, ad infinitum until it ends in tears or divorce or sullenness, which may be the worst of the three.

To avoid this outcome, may I suggest a roster – colour-coded if possible – that makes allowances for family members’ start and finish times, but that also doesn’t create the expectation that one person, possibly the one who can’t stand mess, will always pick up after all others until their silent anger festers to such a point that they boil over, much like the pot of soup still sitting in the sink.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.